Lately, I’ve not been myself. I’ve gotten bogged down in a murk of anxiety and stress that is affecting my mind, my spirit, and most prominently, my body. People have started telling me that I seem flustered, or that I seem stressed out, or some other similar observation. Suddenly, today, it occurred to me that perhaps I’d been approaching this situation from the wrong angle. I need to ask the Tarot the right questions if I want to get the best answers!
I signed up for The Tarot Lady’s ezine today, and almost immediately received a welcome message with a gift inside. Within were some messages from Theresa, as well as several other tarot readers. One of them suggested a place to begin that sounded perfect to me. The suggestion was to start with a 3-card spread, then pull additional cards for each additional action to take, in the order they should be taken. This sounded perfect to me, so I used her spread.
I’ve got my best deck (Wildwood), I’ve got the perfect spread, and I finally have the right question. I’m ready to do this!
What question did I ask? How can I center myself, spiritually and physically, in order to shed all of this stress?
1. The cocoon I’m emerging from: Seven of Arrows - Insecurity (7/S)
Ouch. Insecurity. Right off the bat, I see that I’m coming from a place where I’ve got a lot of wounds. And if I want to be totally honest with myself, many of these wounds have been self inflicted. Wildwood basically agrees with my assessment. I see myself all over this card, and it hurts, but I’m glad to see that it is what I am emerging from, not moving toward.
2. The place I sit right at this moment: 17 The Pole Star (The Star)
Under the stars, wandering a dark path (sounds familiar), seeking guidance from the universe. This is exactly how I feel, so I’m glad I pulled this card. Wildwood tells me that I’m at a point where I’m ready to open myself to the universe and all it has to offer me.
3. The first action to take: Queen of Arrows - Swan (Q/S)
This card is difficult. I see… solitude, independence. Wildwood tells me that I need to break bonds. The first action I need to take is to break ties to the past, break free from the things binding me to all these self-inflicted wounds. I can start with a literal cleansing of my home (which I have already begun), removing anything that ties me to my past, and to so much of that pain. This is a task I must accomplish alone (without any help from Darling). I realize that, and I can accept that.
4. The second action to take: King of Arows - Kingfisher (K/S)
Moving forward with confidence and strength. Wildwood tells me to use my strength to push me forward, past the wounds of the past. After I’ve broken the bonds, the next action I need to take is to focus my strength on fully taking control of myself. This means I will now have more strength to fully break old habits, and focus on taking better care of myself in a few key ways.
5. The third action to take: 0 The Wanderer (The Fool)
After I’ve broken myself free from so much, from all these wounds, I will be able to move forward with an open heart. With a bit of blind faith. The next action I need to take is to move forward, realizing that I cannot rely on my past experiences for guidance on how to do so. It’s time to move forward with an open heart (the phrase kept repeating itself to me as I focused on this card).
6. The fourth action to take: Four of Stones - Protection (4/P)
How do I move forward with an open heart? Tarot has all the answers, and it makes me smile. The Four of Stones tells me that once I have come to the point where I can move forward, anew, with an open heart, the next action I need to take is to prepare a place of security and protection for myself! How fitting. Once I’ve removed all of the wounds, self-imposed insecurities, and begun anew, it only makes sense that I should prepare a place of security, so that I don’t get lost again! That I even get this opportunity is amazing, and I feel so grateful.
7. The final action to take: Four of Bows - Celebration (4/W)
How do I begin preparing this special place? Celebration! Spend some time fully enjoying the life that I have, the people that I love, and all of the blessings with which I’ve been bestowed. Taking the time to celebrate how good my life is; a perfect way to ground myself in a new-found security. Holy crappity-crap. Thank you!
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and really trying to learn about myself and why I behave the way I do. One thing that has been sticking out to me is that in the past few months I have become rather irritable and grouchy. I have less patience and less joy overall (mostly due to some sucky health problems). However, when I take my medication (Xyrem) at night, it’s like all of these troubles dissipate and I am free to be my “real” self again! I love this time, and so does Darling (and so does the cat, most probably). And I find it sad and frustrating that we have to enjoy THIS time. The time when I am medicated and will quickly be falling asleep. What has happened to me?
I’ve decided to delve into my shadow side, to see if I can get a better idea of what’s going on with me all around. Once again, I used Wildwood tarot, but I’ll be illustrating it with another deck - this time, the Shadowscapes tarot, because it seemed appropriate.
1. What is my light?
0 The Wanderer (The Fool)
The Fool. Ready to step foot into any situation with an open heart, a fresh perspective, a naive optimism. Well, it’s true. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I am much more trusting than I probably should be. I enjoy new opportunities and new journeys. I like exploring, and I do, but I also tend to keep to myself and hold my journeys purely within.
2. What is my shadow?
Page of Bows - Stoat (P/W)
Curious, creative, mischievous, adventurous. This seems very similar to my light side! What I’m sensing here is that my shadow is more confident and passionate about the adventure. Perhaps more daring and more “in it for the excitement” than my light side is. I find this extremely fascinating, because one of the things I like about myself (and that Darling likes about me) is this enthusiasm purely for the adventure! Is this something I’m repressing without realizing it?
3. How can I integrate my shadow side into my light side?
Three of Arrows - Jealousy (3/S) | 12 The Mirror (The Hanged Man) | Queen of Bows - Hare (Q/W)
Immediately, looking at the cards, I see that I need to let my emotions show more, I need to be proud to explore my spiritual/mystical self (and stop trying to control everything), and I need to own the confidence and savvy persona of the Queen of Wands. I cannot even TELL you how often the Queen of Wands shows up in my readings! Basically, the cards are telling me that if I want to stop repressing my adventurous side, I need to stop avoiding: my emotions, my spiritual needs; and I need to be more confident in the woman I am.
Well, my July reading was rather spot-on, so I’ve been tempted to do another for August. Spread will follow the same pattern: 1 card for the whole month, then 1 card for each week in the month. I chose the Fantastical Creatures deck for this one.
Month: The Fool
New beginnings, pure and simple. I am so down for this.
Week 1: Eight of Pentacles
A focus on my skills and talents, and that they will be useful this week. Awesome news, because I’m started a new, quick-turn-around project at work this week!
Week 2: Three of Cups
Celebration with those close to me. Could this be the week I make an official announcement?!
Week 3: The Empress
Tapping into my feminine power and creativity, and hard work paying off. Excellent.
Week 4: Death
A life cycle is ending, and another is beginning. This is just what I was hoping for. ;)